My Life & Death Battle With a Food Demon

Hands, by Storm Talifero

This drawing by Storm represents how love overcomes death

How did it all start? It started with the best year ever! After about 7 or 8 years at 99% to 100% raw, my longest raw stint ever, I topped it off with a year of 100% raw without raw cacao and MSG, the two things I noticed made me crave cooked foods.

And during that year, 15 years after first going raw, I experienced a total healing of candida on a level I didn’t even know I had until it was gone!

I only know this because at the end of that best year ever I started eating some cooked foods again and had an interesting lack of negative reactions. Previously I would bloat from various food combinations, get yeast infections from eating cooked carbs, and get instant breakouts from dairy products. But now when I started eating some cooked foods again, I noticed no adverse reactions. I believe this was because I was now totally healed of the candida.

However, with this new freedom came a new level of temptation. There was nothing to keep me in check, physically. I knew I could get the candida back, but I wanted to be able to eat some cooked foods in moderation, and I so believed it was possible to do this and still be healthy, that I started experimenting with incorporating some “healthy” cooked foods in to my diet about two years ago now, when all this began.

It began when my 17 year old daughter started eating cooked foods at home, and I would have just a little bite of her food once in a while. After a year or so it seemed I was still able to keep the cooked food in moderation. I also noticed I looked a bit better, my face filled out from eating dairy, which at my age made me look a bit younger. When I did start to break out a little, it would clear up within a couple of days where in my pre-raw-vegan days it would take weeks.

But I noticed some new health issues I’d never had before. My eyesight got blurred and I now needed reading glasses. I have learned from others’ experiences that this may be a direct result of consuming dairy. I also noticed some joint stiffness in my hip. I threw out a knee. I pulled a hamstring. I think it is easier to get injured when you eat cooked foods. Tissues tear more easily. Joints become more stiff. The body doesn’t regenerate as quickly. This was more noticeable now to me than before, perhaps because I’m in my mid-40’s now.

And then, the addictions set in. I realized I have some very specific food addictions. I don’t want to name the foods as doing so might trigger someone else to fall off the wagon. But I can tell you, when I was eating really poorly I would go to sleep after eating. Sometimes I was too tired to work. Usually I was able to get my eating under control a bit then, and include more raw foods to start feeling better.

I was trying to find a balance. I noticed when I was on an upswing or a downswing that in the beginning there was a time when I looked better. So it almost seemed like just a very little dairy was good for me. But I think I just wasn’t getting enough minerals on my raw diet as I wasn’t eating enough greens and other vegetables. And so the minerals in the dairy from the greens the cows ate helped a bit. Also, I think one has to be careful to get enough fat on the raw diet.

I learned through this experience the importance of having a raw food menu plan that has a balanced raw diet that includes daily greens and vegetables, and some oil, avocado or nuts for fats. As many minerals are fat soluble they are absorbed better if fat is present. So by eating salads with a raw dressing containing oil or by eating dishes that contain vegetables along with either avocados, coconut, or nuts we can better assimilate the minerals in the greens/vegetables. So, a dairy craving may indicate a need for a combination of minerals and fats. This is how we have set up our “Go Raw!” Programs’ menus, but although hundreds of others were having great results, I wasn’t taking the time to eat right myself.

I would sometimes offset my poor eating choices with extra exercise. I actually developed better exercise habits during this phase that have lasted me into my new 100% raw phase. I realized that when I ate too much cooked food and got no exercise that this combination was devastating. I was learning more about balance and about the power of exercise.

Meanwhile I was getting more addicted. Sometimes I was frightened by the level of my addiction. I was behaving like an addict, sneaking cooked food, hiding it, leaving the house just to get it, overdoing it, feeling terrible about it. Sometimes I wanted to give it up and was surprised to find I just couldn’t! Part of me was not ready to let go of this new thing in my life – addiction.

Through journaling, I came to know that my food issues were related to “me-time”, having something outside the house to do that was all my own, that gave me an excuse to shut down. I realized I was always doing something I was supposed to do, constantly working to keep up with it all, and for years not allowing myself any time to just do nothing. Now I had a decadent release. I was enjoying it, at times. The lesson here was that I needed to develop some healthier rituals in my life that could be relaxing time-outs.

But wow! When I really got on a roll at the worst of it, I couldn’t believe how fast weight piled on, or how quickly my face started to look older. I lost that first nice plumpness, became craggy looking and more wrinkled, and a bit puffy. Something around the eyes was darker. And towards the end, I just didn’t see any beauty any more. That’s one of the things that turned the tide.

Shortly after a sincere prayer for help, I would wake up one day and just know I could go through the day raw without craving anything cooked. It was a reprieve from my addiction. What a blessing! But even though I wasn’t physically craving cooked foods anymore, I would still relapse. Why, I don’t know. Did I want to be addicted? Was there something more I had to learn from this? Did I forget the hell of addiction the moment I was out of it? I had so many reprieves, and so many relapses.

I think I know how this works now. The Universe conspires to help you. You notice, you are grateful, and you are free. Or you don’t notice or don’t take advantage of it, you aren’t grateful, and you throw the reprieve away. You wonder if you’ll ever get one again. Gratitude seems to be key for me here in helping me to get on the wiser path.

At the end, I was caught in the grips of my animal nature. And from this deep, dark, messy place out of which I felt I had no power to move, as I sank deeper and deeper in to it, I called out to God, knowing He would help me, without a doubt. I begged him from my stupor, to give me one more reprieve. And it came. And I hung on to it for dear life. It was hard to grab on to this reprieve. But it would have been harder still, maybe impossible, if I hadn’t been at rock bottom the day before.

This was worse than when I did drugs and alcohol as a youngster. And it wasn’t that much food that I was eating. I wasn’t bingeing. I did, however, overeat cooked foods the day before the “worst day”, perhaps not coincidentally. But I think being overall very healthy and eating lots of raw foods still, that this cooked stupor just felt terrible to me by contrast. And I didn’t have a tolerance for a lot of the cooked food toxins any more.

A wise old raw vegan once told me that if you can’t stay raw, it may be better not to try as it could be dangerous to go back and forth, due to this loss of tolerance for cooked food toxins amongst other factors, such as your body’s need to maintain homeostasis.

That last day, I was so tired all day, very foggy brained, and depressed because I felt like a junkie, and feeling like a junkie because I felt depressed. All I thought about was the food addictions. Ashamed and humiliated, I looked awful. I felt like a real addict, stuck in an addiction, trying to get out, but defeated by a monkey on their back, a food demon in my case. I just had this feeling that I was not going to be successful at kicking this demon, and that was terrifying.

Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and visually I was at rock bottom for me, or the closest I’ve ever been to rock bottom, and the closest I ever want to get.

As I was thinking crazy thoughts on the last night of the addiction, I suddenly just let go and smiled and gave it over to God. In that dull, fuzzy, stupor I found God. And He got me out of it! I woke up in the morning with that familiar feeling of reprieve and knew I could easily ignore my addictions. “I’m going to do it!” I said. And I did. And it has been over a week now, 100% raw.

Do I really need to relapse ever again? Do I really need to go through all this again, on worse and worse levels?

Here’s what I mean by the Universe conspiring to help me out of the addiction. Within a few days before “kicking” the addiction, these chance happenings took place…

– I picked up and speed-read the book “Food and Loving” in a book store. It explained how food addictions or compulsive overeating put strain on a relationship and helped me to see some connections in a way I hadn’t before. Sometimes just understanding what is going on can help you find the ability to make a change.

– I stumbled upon the “Faces of Addiction” photo essay I shared with you a few days ago. This moved something within my soul in a profound way. I felt an affinity with these drug addicts and realized that addiction is nothing to play with. I can’t really express everything that photo essay did for me, it was deep and complex. But I know it was part of my journey, one of the gifts, the catalysts for change, something my eyes were ready to see and learn from.

– I was sitting and working in a Denny’s-type of restaurant. A waitress was chatting with a customer and said “I know food is supposed to give you energy but I have no energy after eating. I can’t even do my work. So I just eat once a day before going to sleep”. I realized that the low quality of food that was available to her was such that it gave her no energy. I realized that she didn’t have a clue that what she ate was unhealthy. And I realized I have no excuse for being in the same position as her.

– Now, going in to that particular restaurant was an experience in itself! The menu made all this greasy junk food look all-American, hearty, home-cooked, and delicious! I remember thinking “what a foreign consciousness came up with this place”!

So, I’ve been strictly 100% raw for over a week now. I’m on the wagon. I’m grateful to be here. I am glad for the experience I had of realizing that I am an addict and I need to be “on the wagon” for life! Just like an abstinent alcoholic can never have a sip of alcohol or they seriously risk becoming a “using” addict again, I will always be a food addict. I am now an abstinent food addict who can not have a bite of cooked food or I seriously risk becoming out-of-control again and hurting myself with food.

I think it is important to recognize that cooked food is a drug. Cooking creates toxins in our foods, and toxins are addictive. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, chocolate all contain toxins which is what makes them addictive. I would say toxins are drugs. It is hard to remember this fact that cooked food is poisonous, when people are eating it all around you and they think of it as healthy. So, a cooked food addict is at a disadvantage, as their addiction is not recognized by others, or usually even by themselves.

I’m so glad I see this now. No more wondering if maybe a little cooked food is helpful or possible to have in my diet. No more experimenting to see if I am now mature enough to be “high raw” and keep cooked food in moderation. No more question about whether 100% raw is the healthiest way to eat or not. For me, it is a life-saver, and that’s definitely healthier!

I’ve been sorely tempted many times this week, but have not “broken the seal” on my 100% raw diet. I’m excited about the path ahead of me, excited about raw foods again, looking forward to creating a new menu plan for a totally balanced raw diet including more mineral-rich greens with lovely raw fats so that I remain fully nourished and thereby better able to make good choices going forward!

I have a new lease on life! I am grateful for the entire process, the whole journey above. It is exciting how we can grow through trials and tribulations. It is amazing how much we learn. It is awe inspiring how it all comes together and makes sense. I needed to go through this in order to embrace a 100% raw lifestyle for life, which I believe now is my path. I can’t wait to see what this journey holds in store!

In Joy!

This entry was posted in Addiction, Addiction, Binge Effect, Compulsive Eating, Eating Disorders, Emotional Eating, Food Addiction, Food Addiction, Inspiration, junk food, Overeating and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to My Life & Death Battle With a Food Demon

  1. Gail says:

    Thanks for this, Jinjee. Everyone has to find their own place, and this is yours.

    Last year, I listened to the 7-day event put on by Kevin Gianni called “The Great Health Debate” whose guests ran the gamut of various degrees of healthy eating – from cooked carnivore to raw vegan. And, aside from various conflicting views on some details, most would agree at the end of the seven days was:
    1) No one’s body is the same
    2) Our past; our environment; our journeys; the damage done & where we all stood now, is not the same as the next person..therefore
    3) The “fix” cannot be the same – what works for one will not possibly work for the other
    4) The closer to the original source; the more natural and whole..the more organic a food item is – the better.
    5) For regenerating, recovering, rejuvenating, detoxifying and cleansing; as well as for longevity, raw vegan is best (even 90%).
    And that covers just the PHYSIOLOGICAL – doesn’t even count the mental aspect.

    As for B12 – it is a myth that it only affects veggies & vegans. JUST AS MANY meat eaters are low in B12, but probably for different reasons.

    Thanks for the inspiration, Jinjee. It’s your path and now you can skip down it!

  2. Caroline says:

    Very inspiring testimony. I am going thru a similar situation. It all started when I got sick from the allergy season. Allergy kicked in so was the asthma followed by depression. medication also made depression worse. Needed comfort found it in food thus realize I have food addiction. God be our helper. Depression and all those sicknesses associated with it are very demonic and demoralizing sickness. It’s only God that can help us if and when we are ready. Cry out to Him. He will help.

  3. Emma Kaid says:


    Firstly thank you! Your blog struck so many chords with me, it was like I was reading something I could have written myself.
    You hit the nail on the head re food addiction. For me, this is how I have been feeling with cooked food and although I am staying 80% raw I can’t help but sneak little bits here and there, little tastes here and there. I don’t come from a background of addiction in general but I do believe I had a food addiction in the past which ultimately led to my colitis.

    I recently emailed Jinjee and explained my vicious cycle of healing my body of colitis, then as soon as I am well, I start eating things I shouldn’t, like bread, some vegan cooked foods, knowing that I am harming my gut and that if I carry on I will bring on my colitis symptoms again, but that doesn’t deter me I keep going eating the very things that cause my intestines distress. This has happened twice now, the first time I healed from colitis and first started the raw diet it took about 6 months to fully heal. I read David Klien’s book and followed his restrictive diet healing plan, it works! if you have gastro problems you can’t just eat any how you have to be fairly specific about how you eat and how you combine foods, for instance I can’t handle fats of any kind, salads are too fiberous etc.. So I healed and was well (for a whole year) expanded my diet to salads and a whole range of raw foods and loved it, then started experimenting with bread, and lots of other cooked vegan foods and before you know it Colitis was back I again, this time it took 2 months back on the healing diet to calm things down again, but this time I don’t know what happened, as soon as I healed I was eating haphazardly, although raw vegan all day, I was experimenting with soy sauce on my steamed vegetables, vegan soups etc foods again here and there, and now I am back with colitis again, however this time it has been 3 months with symptoms and not much gradual improvement, So I fear I have done myself some damage this time as it is taking a very long time to heal.
    So it was very interesting to read Raw Vegan Power’s response, as I always feel I am lacking of missing something, my intestines and liver are compromised, so like you I may need some additional help, so thank you raw power for posting. I am going to take your recommendation and supplement and see how much better I get.

  4. Agne says:

    Dear Jinjee,

    Thanks a lot for sharing! I think the hardships and the uncomfortable things we share, makes people feel a little bit more connected to each other.

    I’ve gone through a similar experience and I believe to some extent still do, but I’ve always looked for answers inside myself with the help of books. I believe I have found my reasons for overeating, for depression I went trough a few years ago and I am enjoying the happiness of just being me, no masks, no pretense. The books that really gave me some wonderful insights in who I am were, (I have a longer list on my blog
    Sonia Choquette – Soul Lesson and Soul Purpose
    Leonard Jacobson – Journey into Now
    Vadim Zeland – Reality Transurfing (1-5)
    Take a look, maybe it will be helpful to you or anyone else too.

    With love,

  5. Alexandra says:

    Thank You Jinjee and all of You !!!
    Alynn, I have a question for You if You can please help me.
    (sorry, my english is not too good)
    How do You organize all the work with raw food and how You can be surre that Your diet is in balance with nutrients. That is my bigest problem and when I do not have some food ready with me for work, I go to cafeteria and I have something cooked or worst, fried. When I’m home I’m OK but spend too much time with it. Also on the begining of my discovery of raw diet(5Years ago) I was very exited and I heard only the positive. Now I hear the strugle with addiction to cooked food and how complicated it is. I have tendencies to runaway from complicated things. And if I could probubly I would. But I can’t becouse I know that to be helthy this is the way and I’m not questioning this. I can not go back to cook food compleatly. I know too much.
    Another question is. Is it really addiction ? Food is basic powerfull element in every living creature. And we eat cooked food for very long time.
    I’m also feeding my three cats raw food but raw meat and all they need with it.
    I found exelent web. on internet and it was, what I needed to now about raw feeding. You would not believe, how beautifull they are, there coat is like velvet, there teeth are white and gums pink and there’s pup don’t smell and I could go on and on how big miracle happen to them since I found them hungry and skiny (mother with her kitten). They eat the whole small chicken with the boones, yes like a dog. I also did not know, that this way fed cats do NOT have flees. They disapierd, their skin is clean eaven that they are going also outside.
    If somebody IS interested You can finde the webside on
    “Raw Fed Cats”,
    A Comprehensive Strategy For Feeding Your Cat a Raw Food.(The best web. I found on this subject)
    I need the strategy for MY raw food also.
    Thank You for any coment.
    P.S. I copy Your email to Jinjee and put it in front of me in my kitchen. It is positive and strong. Thank You both.

  6. Laura says:

    I am curios to know what your cravings were, although I understand if you do not wish to disclose. Do you think it could be a lack of calories/carbohydrates overall? That is pretty much the only time I crave. Either I crave sugar or salt. But we have enough raw things to eat in those departments. If carb cravings, maybe just more fruit is needed…

  7. Lynda says:

    Dear Jinjee,
    I have been looking forward to this particular blog. I did complete 2 years raw. Now I have spent more than 2 years alternately succeeding and failing on my 100% raw quest. I believe in this way of eating, but addiction is hard to break. When I first started raw, I was so excited about eating this way that it got me through what would have been tough. When I was fully raw and lost a bunch of weight, I told everyone it was the easiest thing I had ever done to lose weight. By then I was addiction free.

    I appreciate your writing about your struggles in such an open forum. As I skimmed some of the replies I realized how some people may be well meaning, but their replies are not helpful to your goals and values.

    I know you and Storm do not advocate supplements and I completely agree with you.
    After my wonderful 2 years raw, I found a “raw” supplement in the store and to placate my non-raw husband, decided to start taking this multi-vitamin. I became crazy with cooked food cravings and eventually gave in. I have huge regrets that I ever took that stupid supplement. Seriously, when I see it in the store I glare at it. It ruined all that I had gained. My addiction returned and I have struggled ever since.
    Anyway, I can totally relate to your blog entry. I do volunteer work where sometimes I am trying to help people quit drugs, alcohol or smoking. I have always been struck by the similarities with their addiction to my food thing. Yet, I actually scoffed at the idea that cooked food was addicting at first. How wrong I was!
    Thanks for your very relatable blog.

  8. Inga says:

    Raw Vegan Power, thank you for incredible information and resources :)

  9. Akua says:

    Jingee I want to thank you for being so honest. When I hear of many others on the raw vegan diet they make it seem so easy for them and that only inflates my sense of failure when I fall off the wagon. I will be ready to go one week, only to fall of eating everything that is not nailed down the next. I know I’m doing harm to myself but I can’t stop. It’s difficult because I live with my husband who is also addicted to food but refuses to change his habits. He loves bread, cheese, chocolate, etc. Even when I try to stay strong and avoid these things, I find myself falling in the old trap of shopping for the things I know he will eat. Then I eat them too. I worry constantly about buying him the foods he likes and preparing them the way he likes because I want him to be happy. His face just lights up when I cook his favorite foods. He brags about what a great cook I am. If I stop cooking then what?I have found myself doing just the things you described. Buying food while I’m out and eating it before I get home or hiding food. I have a long commute from home to work so time and money are very tight these days and I sometimes use this as an excuse for eating bad foods. I’m too tired to make a raw vegan this or too busy to prepare a raw vegan that. Things are too expensive. I’m buying two sets of food. The healthy items I need and the crap hubby likes to eat. Can’t afford both. How will it keep in my car during my 2 hour commute? Where can I find ingredients to make this stuff in my little small rural town? It’s too cold to eat cold food all the time. I have realized I’m an emotional eater. I eat just to be eating. I eat without thinking. I eat when I’m not really hungry. It doesn’t help that I’m not even FAT! If I were I wouldn’t get the looks from hubby and others when I tell them I need to stop eating bad food. They say things like, “Oh but your small!” or “why are you worried about your diet? Your not fat”. Like only a fat person can get sick and diseased? I need help but I fear I need more help and support than I can afford. I don’t know what to do. I’m feel lost. Thank you Jingee for being you.


  10. T Jakes says:

    I am thoroughly inspired by this post. I am going through the same exact thing in my life right now. The problem is that my family still eats cooked foods and I have to cook for them. I have had bouts where cooking or them and then making my foods have not been an issue but as soon as I taste a little of their food, here we go again. I can not fully escape being around cooked food because it is everywhere we go so I realize I have to become more concious and focused when making these types of decisions.

    I also am currently growing more conciously aware of my life patterns and am noticing something comes over me, especially, on the weekends. As Eckhert Tolle would say, my “pain body” takes over from Thursday to Sunday. Monday morning I literally say “why did I do that this weekend”. This inspires me to do better and plan better.

    The planning better issue hit me this morning. I have to plan better and change up how my days play out. I have become all too comfortable and am in the process to changing and reworking my life. It is scary yet reassuring after reading this post that life can be fulfilling and worth the ride if you take the proper steps to achieve what is desired.

    Thank You Jingee

  11. Jane says:

    Thank you for being brave enough to share your human failings, and your journey to overcome them.
    I have been 100% raw for over a year now, but know I have an addictive personality, so I am wary of trying even a small amount of cooked food, no matter how “healthy” it might be.
    I have green smoothies for breakfast, and green juices every day made with a selection of different greens rotated as Victoria Boutenko recomends. I have a various selction of salads with different dressings, though one rule I keep to is I eat no extracted oils. There is building evidence that extracting the oil damages the molecules, so I use wholefood fats instead. I make a salad dressing by blending equal amounts of tomato, sweet red bell pepper and pine nuts together. I also make an oil substitute by blending the flesh of a young coconut with a little of its water until it “churns” in the blender. That will keep in the fridge for about a week and I use it instead of olive oil in raw recipes.

    I know you don’t like to eat dehydrated food, but compared to eating cooked food I think it’s only a small drop from “perfect.” After all, there are no cooked food toxins to deal with, and eating them in moderation helps keep me from wanting cooked food.

    I make a “flat bread” by blending the flesh of one young coconut with 4 or 5 zucchinis
    and then stirring in 1/2 cup ground flax seed. I spread that on a solid dehydrator tray, score into squares and dehydrate until dry but still slightly flexible.
    Then I eat them topped with a nice high-water-content salad like John’s ( wonderful radish/cucumber/sweet bell pepper/tomato/avocado chunks/raw sauerkraut salad or just mix some avocado with some chopped sweet corn, tomato, sweet bell pepper, fine chopped parsley or dandelion leaves and spread lavishly. Lunches like that help keep me 100% raw.

    much love

  12. Dominique says:

    I love this post. I appreciate so much your openness and honesty with your struggles. I too had overcome alcohol and drug addictions in my youth and just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t relate the same wisdom I had earned to my eating habits. Food has caused me so much pain, yet I struggle so much to change. When my baby was colicky, it was easy for me to eliminate food (for him, it was dairy and soy) from my diet because my infant’s health and comfort depended on it. But when it is for my own health, it has been almost impossible. I’ve never intended to go 100% raw, but because your daily inspiration email resonate so strongly with me, I was encouraged to try your 28 day transition program. I’ve been crying almost everyday, as if I’m counting 90 days in NA. Yet, at the same time, I’m finding so much wonder in the food I’m eating as if I’ve never tasted food before. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. You are really helping this one food addict.

  13. Karolina says:

    I just came back from China, where the brutal winter convinced me of eating cooked foods, that I ate like I had never eaten cooked food. On top of that I was advised that this raw food diet was not good for women, only for very active men! ????Now I am back and struggling with staying totally on the raw. I am craving cooked food, but try hard to stay on the raw one day at a time. Your share gives me the strength to stay focus. Looking forward to your next blog..

  14. Davina Youngberg says:

    Thank you for being honest, that took a lot of guts to do that and it is very much appreciated. I have been juicing for 4 days now, hoping it will spur me on to be 100% raw, I have only lasted 10 days, but one thing I do notice when I am raw, is that I breeze through my monthly like it was nothing, when I eat non-raw then I end up with cramps and cranky! Also thank you to Raw Vegan Power for what you said, I have major digestive and candida problems. Thank you for telling what supplements will help with that, I am going to write them down. Thanks Davina

  15. Sara Lake says:

    I am not a raw foodist, but an open minded postgrad nutrition student. The biggest problems I see in raw foodists are B12 deficiency (all vegans that I have seen have it if they aren’t taking supplements) and low levels of fat soluble vitamins like A and D (maybe why your skin looked better when you first were on dairy, before your sensitivities kicked in).

  16. Lisa Endrikat says:

    I would like to learn more about Raw Vegan Power’s recommendations. How do I do so? Could you please e-mail me.


  17. PLISSON Joy says:

    Thanks so much for relating your experience of cooked-addicting foods.
    I discovered I had silently added some cooked stuff in my diet : rice (cooked) and almond drink to my soaked chia and dried fruit for breakfast, a little cheese from time to time, a little bread and butter occasionly etc…
    and didn’t understand why my starting cataract, which was idle, suddenly worsened …
    No wonder !
    So, I start right now to be ever so strict about raw food, even if it is Californian.
    I used to have a raw diet called ‘instincto’ which was much more strict, as there was no mixed ingredients and no processed food. The result was the taste of a fruit or vegetable etc… suddenly changes and became SO much tastier when the body needed it , and just inedible if tou didn’t need it… so, one had to have a lot of choice and a lot of waist occured, unless cooked eaters were near by… aslo, the temptation was to eat more meat or too many fruit and violence was a possible issue, and for some people happened to be catastrophic…
    But, when conducted wisely, I remember living extraodinary experiences, which I don’t get at all with californian diet…
    No tribe actually eat raw in the world, except a few families in the Caraïb, rejected from there tribe. They eat little fruit, a lot of roots they plant when plant here and there in there nomadic style of life, honey etc…
    The man this Instincto-man met, lived in complete connection with his intuition, spoke to animals and gave him a rendez-vous 6 months in advance in Paris , and when he was asked but where in Paris ? he peacefully replied, don’t worry, I shall find you… and he did.
    So, we can be modest in our performances in eating raw…
    Nethertheless, the californian raw cooking makes things much easier.

    So grateful for your mails which are helpful to keep going, even if we are not perfect, because the influence of our childhood is so pregnant
    Love to all

  18. elise says:

    Just curious Jinjee but have you considered/looked into iodine deficieny? I am currently taking an iodine supplement (lugols) and have noticed less candida infection and loss of addictions to foods I would normally crave and think about daily. I can tell I had a deficiency as I have also noticed great changes in my skin, sleep, mood, energy, and blood sugar stability. Oddly I was eating a diet supposedly high in iodine, but also consuming a lot of brocolli and greens so I am not sure if its a family tendency towards low iodine uptake or what.

  19. Jaz says:

    Mrs. Jinjee … you have been and continue to be a wonderful inspiration to me. My 5th child is 2wks old and after the first 28day transition program this year i was 100% raw, while pregnant. I have and had thoughts of mixing cooked and raw, but much like you i quickly noticed my body does not like the back and forth. My family is not raw, but they are eating some raw as i let them taste my meals. I am coming to a point where i know i must keep the raw path… but please let me congratulate you on your personal awareness and transparency that has led you to making the healthier choice in your eating regimen. Realizing there needs to be a balance in my menus, to combat my addictions and maintain good health, i am now looking for various raw dishes to incorporate into what i have learned from the 28 day transition program. Thanks again your blogs and our conversation help me to be honest with myself and allow mistakes and or errors in judgment and to stay ” on the wagon “. I spend time with God but the quality of that time could be much much better and i believe God trys to get my attention by interrupting whatever it is that i am currently placing as priority before Him. Thank you for helping me to look, transparently, at myself and how my decisions and life are connected in all areas. My love, Jaz.

  20. Alynn~ says:

    Jinjee, my darling!~
    What a blessing to see this post! I have been 100% Raw-Vegan foodie for over 8 1/2 years… slowly turning to 9! I have been loving it since Day 1 and I do not feel the need or want to ever go back. There’s no turning back!

    Thank you for sharing this! Many have asked me why I refused to incorporate any cooked foods, even if it is touted as “healthy” in my regimen and I told them that I’m feeling superb so why chance it? Why go back when you can only go forward? Why should I harm myself or even risk my health, knowing that it may be a trap? Believe me, I know! I was a heavy drinker back in my old days and it can be very tedious to break free.

    Jinjee, you are a beautiful WARRIOR and you are strong! I’m glad that you are embracing who you are and what you have become!
    Loving you~

  21. Thank You for your continuing honesty and transparency. You help me and I’m sure, many others, to be more open and courageous in navigating our food addictions and other addictive challenges. Infinite love and blessings to you and your loved ones,soldann

  22. Melissa says:

    Thank you for writing this very open blog entry that helps others see what you struggle with as well. I went vegan almost a year ago and have experimented with raw but it didn’t give me the results that I was looking for. Then I stumbled upon 80/10/10 by Douglas Graham and I’ve been doing that which really helped me understand that too much fat and sugar is what causes a problem. So I’m now high raw but I’m definitely addicted to salty food, especially popcorn. I could eat bowls and bowls of it! Maybe one day I’ll be 100% raw, but It’s really hard because my husband misses the old me that used to eat steak and potatoes and not be so “crazy” about what I eat. The emotional chains are the hardest. Thanks again for your honesty about your struggles! Stay strong and keep envisioning how you want you health to be! Sending you lots of positive energy!

  23. Suson says:

    You’ve passed through another fire and learned even more about yourself and the Universe. You’re such a sweet joy and a blessing on this planet.
    Thank you for sharing…stories such as this let the rest of us know that it is more than ok to fall down…it’s how you get up that matters.

  24. martha says:

    Jinjee, what an amazing blog entry. Thank you for it. Your insights and honesty help everyone. Any time someone goes “back” to raw they get to experience unconditional love. The unconditional love is from Mother Nature. She does not
    ask “how long have you been away” and give you only a percentage of the good feelings. She gives you 100% of the feelings immediately. I loved finding that out.
    In a previous blog post you wrote of addiction being a warped way that forces us
    to take care of #1,, when healthy ways have been overlooked. That was a deep insight
    and very satisfying to the intellect. The mind wants “in” on all of this as well.
    Your insights sustain and inspire. They are real, personal and up to the minute. They are not about ego or selling up something.
    They are about challenges. Thank you for your honesty. What a great vibe.

  25. Asyanna says:

    Thank you do much for sharing Jinjee!
    Eventhough i haven’t been able to stay 100% raw (Dr.Graham’s 811 diet) for long term yet, I’ve been on a similar path lately. I really felt like your post just came at a perfect timing for me. So thank you so much!!
    In a way it was a big relief to see & feel that even a raw “pro can still struggle with cooked foods sometimes. I’ve been feeling like a failure sometimes lately but it definitely lightened me up :)
    I live in Japan, where simply vegetarian is even still very very very foreign.
    Roller coaster to be raw or not; everybody around me enjoying their cooked foods; all this information about “a little cooked is good” out there lately..experimenting around..but just like you, I’ve tried it out and the conclusion is simply: I feel & look my best when I am 100% raw and that’s just it.
    I’ve tried it raw – not raw – raw and know now what feels best to me. We can only learn by try & error right? It’s so simple.
    I’ve also been reading “three magic words” and in the chapter i just read it showed an interesting concept of try & error, that we make mistakes only to know what doesn’t feel good so we can follow the path that feels good to us :)
    Got a lil long but all I wanted to say is thank you so so so much for sharing it lightened me and strengthened me :)
    Love love love

  26. Marna says:

    Holding you in my heart as always, my dear. Your vulnerability will not only change you, but the world as well. much love coming your way!

  27. James (UK) says:

    Congrats Jinjee!
    Awesome story!
    Awesome journey!
    Lots of Love + Support to you on your Journey………xxx

  28. Brian Melsky says:

    Thank you Jingee for your most loving, truthful, and courageous story. It was so inspiring. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  29. Gill says:

    This post was just so helpful for me. I’ve been raw for a year and at first cooked food actually made me throw up! But lately I’ve found I can ‘tolerate’ it and have relaxed my raw boundaries. Like you describe, I found myself craving, eating secretly, and making excuses. I realised a while ago that this was addictive behaviour, but as I’ve a done drugs or alcohol, I just didn’t think I was an ‘addictive’ personality. Thank you for sharing so candidly.

  30. Dear Jenjee,
    many, many thanks for this honest report of your journey. It gives me a lot of hope. And it lifts a lot of pressure of myself – not being capable of sticking to the lifestyle I want to live – the 100% raw. Emotionally I am just in the middle of a rollercoaster (it looks like getting divorced) powering the addiction to cooked food (espacially cheese combined with greens or tomatos) and the amount of food I eat at the moment (at least twice as much as a year ago). Although my body shows very quickly and doubtless the negativ impacts of cooked foods I crab it like a junky. After eating cooked foods I swear not to eat cooked foods again. But an hour later, needing to go somewhere I drop into the grocery and get a sandwhich – whatching myself and not believing what I am doing, being ashamed to do it and hoping noone sees me. Absolutly like a junky.
    Victori Boutenko reveals in her latest book that she eats cooked (steamed) vegetables and quinoa again. and she discusses the issus of fats very intensivly. omega-3 and omega-6. Omega-6 is weakening and tiring but almost in all fats and cooked foods. That is why she advices to reduce nuts and oils as much as possible.
    Once again your article is a big help showing that I am not the only one who is struggeling and also showing that we have to be aware our whole lifetinme.
    Ulrich / Austria

  31. Dee Wilcox says:

    Thank you for sharing from your heart Jinjee <3 It is appreciated. We all have our own struggles. Best of luck on continued success!

  32. Martha says:

    Thank you for sharing all these powerful insights. When one goes back really raw, especially with what I like to call “green leaf smoothies”, one experiences unconditional love from Mother Nature. Mother Nature does not calculate how much and how long you have been away. She gives 100% of the feeling back right away. That feeling of unconditional love is amazing. Also remember your concept of raw food as destination food – like a destination wedding. Eat it and it takes you to a powerful place. Hang out in that place. In that place is the relaxation that you need/deserve. You don’t get the downside that comes with knocking yourself out with the opiates in dairy. Jinjee, you are totally capable of receiving the insights you need. You show them to us time and time again.
    Blessings and gratitude to you.

  33. Mattina says:

    Thank you Jinjee for this. This gives me great inspiration.

  34. Chloe says:

    This fear of cooked food seems somewhat overkill. Of course you’ll have problems if you consume dairy. Eating cooked food that is vegan doesn’t need to be terrifying. I have even heard in multiple sources that too much raw food can cause miscarriages with the cold downward moving force. I would love to be more raw, but I’m not going to beat myself up over eating cooked foods. I’m vegan with no question, and that’s the only thing I am strict about, along with avoiding BPA, MSG, and non-organic food items.

  35. Nancy says:

    Dear Jinjee,
    Thank you for sharing your journey. I can totally relate to addictions, relapses and starting again. I wish you well and happiness on your continued journey.

  36. Laura says:

    I just want to say this post was very inspiring for me. I too am a food addict and have struggled for many years. I have been off and on with eating a raw food diet and continue giving in to my addiction. It has been frustrating and depressing and has affected my life in a negative way. But I am ready to face my addiction and take care of myself for me and my children. Thank you for opening up about your addicition and struggles. It really helps addicts like myself to know we are not alone.

  37. jen says:

    also, you know you’re in trouble when the people at the health food store think you need health advice :) lol…. omgoodness

  38. jen says:

    so glad you shared.. it’s exactly what i’ve been going through, with coffee – (and certain cooked foods also in the last year..) and even certain emotions…it felt like something beyond me thinking for me… i’m serious, it feels like a demon disguised friendly coaxing you no matter how much you don’t even understand why you’re doing it! my final days i just kept thinking.. my god, i’m going to give myself kidney failure! what am i doing??

    i truly think many people have been challenged with their deepest addictions this last year.. i definitely can relate to all that you said…

    thanks for stepping out <3

  39. Raw Vegan Power says:

    You CANNOT eat, digest and assimilate as good as your husband, for you come from a past of self harm to all your organs due to alcohol, drugs and bad food.

    I used to be like you, beating myself up over ‘addictions’ and lack of will power or self control.

    You are most likely drawn to the opiod peptides in dairy, and if you eat wheat then beta carbolines. Cooked foods also create natural MSG. These are DRUGS! Powerful neurotoxins that you cannot will away with sheer will power. Read ‘Excitotoxins : The Taste that kills’ by Dr Blaylock. The receptors in your brain have been damaged. 100% abstinence from cooked food is the only solution.

    However, your gut is most likely also damaged, so you need extra help. You cannot expect to be supplement free like your husband. Look, if 109 year old raw foodist Bernando LaPallo can swear by Dr Schulze’s Superfood Plus concentrated food powder, even though he started a raw diet aged 5, who are you to think you DON’T need this type of support?

    So quit the perfectionist romantic ideal of getting everything from your food. Take supplements! Ask your husband what is worse? Supplements to stay 100% raw, or cooked food binges?

    These are what I recommend for you:

    Ultimate Flora Critical Care 50 Billion Probiotics (10 strains, vegan)

    B12 once a week injection (Synthelamin brand is very affordable and one bottle lasts a year or more, store in fridge to keep it fresher, but it can handle room temperature storage). It’s vegan.

    Vitashine Vitamin D3 capsules 5000IU (yes, a VEGAN source of D3, which is wayyy better than D2). If you have a shower everyday then you need D3 supplements! As you wash off the processing materials on your skin. Don’t believe me? Google it.

    Opti3 Omega-3 EPA & DHA (vegan). Your gut might be too damaged to convert the fats you eat into these VITAL nutrients.

    And for wholefoods, please take:

    Dr. Schulze’s Superfood Plus (vegan). This is not a supplement but a concentrated wholefood. It’s full of B vitamins and the type of goodness pre-historic man took for granted whenever he swam or took a sip of spring or river water: beneficial algea and traces of seaweed you just don’t find in organic foods or rinsed wild foods not close to a river. Maybe this is why humans are so drawn to bodies of water, like lakes, oceans and the beach (so called holiday paradise).

    Then, WITHOUT FAIL, eat the following everyday:

    The juices of two full heads of romaine or DARK green lettuce, one head of celery and at least 7 medium tomatoes.

    A small handful of raw organic almonds (better if soaked overnight, and eat the skin/peel too).

    Everything I have listed is important. I know your type, and this is the protocol I have found through decades of painstaking research to be the best way to provide the minerals and nutrients your body can not only digest BUT assimilate, to the point where cooked food cravings become a thing of the past.

    Oh, and try to read ALL the books Dr Norman Walker wrote. He lived to be over 100 years old and be sharp mentally, on a raw food diet. You can do it too.

    Just not in the same way as your husband. His organs are not as compromised as yours.

    Supplements vs cooked foods?


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