As a raw educator and raw foodist for 18 years on and off, I had been experimenting once again with the possibility of taking the 100% raw “seal” off, for the sake of not being too “dogmatic”. And again, I failed! I keep thinking I will become mature enough to eat a “little” “healthy cooked food” in “moderation” and be healthy, in balance, and mostly raw. My problem is that my food addictions from pre-raw seem to come sneaking back in, and suddenly after 6 months of doing the in-balance thing, I found myself the victim of unhealthy food addictions once again!!!! But I learned a lot, and I’m able to share what I’ve learned with others who struggle with food addictions and who find the raw diet helps them stay addiction free. This time I feel like I really got to know my ego! Here are my initial thoughts about the ego and addiction!
The ego is like a young child who demands constant attention! What better way to get that total attention than through addiction! The complete focus becomes on the self, screaming for our needs to be met, doing so at the expense of others, immersing ourselves in our own inner battles, the self-hatred that comes from losing that battle, the withdrawal from people and life as the soul becomes more and more haunted and guilty, a self-perpetuating cycle of shame and escape from shame deeper in to the addiction… completely wrapped up in our egoic self – – completely afraid of the tantrums of this young child self, we’ve given up trying to control it, we just watch, incredulous!
How do we break free, how do we overcome, how do we return to sanity?
Perhaps we must dare to take a firm hand with the child. Talk to it. You know you are in the right. Don’t even let it start — keep it in time-out, don’t allow it to speak, and when it does, speak up! You are in charge! Do your job, take charge!
Or in keeping with the latest philosophies on spiritual weight loss does this ego child need love? Real love? Can we listen to its fears, its sadness, its anger, and acknowledge these, and send it love, and accept our outbursts, and keep loving ourselves?
I’ve found that having a 100% Raw Eating PLAN was the solution to my latest digressions.Â But the space inside myself to make a commitment to that plan took a while to find. But I knew I could do it, with patience, and with love, and more patience. The trick is not to beat up on ourselves! Getting down on ourselves keeps us from finding the positive spaces where new decisions can be born. No matter how “bad” we are, we have to keep loving, keep accepting, keep hoping, keep believing, keep trying. And then these “doorways”, these “golden rings” appear, these magical moments of grace where suddenly we find a concept, a thought, a feeling, that allows us to enter in to the garden again!
Grab the Golden Ring! Seize the Open Door! Take advantage of the reprieve God has given you! Be an opportunist! When fortune smiles on you, recognize it! Appreciate it!!! What you appreciate appreciates in value! Value the blessings, the mercy God has given you when He frees you from your addiction! Be grateful from the fullness of the bottom of your thankful heart!!
That is the secret to going raw, to losing weight, to changing habits, to overcoming addiction, to conquering compulsion! — We are given these doorways. We can choose to go through them when they open to us. And we can choose to stay in that beautiful place or go back to the hell place, to the addiction! Its like waking up one morning and knowing that God worked on you all night to get you to this place where you just wake up free of the addiction that plagued you the day before!
And you fall down on the floor and prostrate yourself in gratitude, and let your heart be full of thankfulness and love and praise and joy and bliss and wonder! And you keep that gratitude with you all day, and every day going forward! You are changed!!!! You can choose to recognize this and honor this gift! Or you can choose to throw it away, time after time, again and again! And STILL that mercy will be available to you – AGAIN!!! Until one day, it isn’t. Because you feel too guilty to allow it any longer!
What has meaning in life? Our connections with other people. Thinking about them, giving them energy and loveâ€¦ doing for themâ€¦.being good to themâ€¦.being thoughtful, making loving gestures, making their lives a little happier, a little more comfortable, giving of yourself to others, sharing your real self, touching souls, looking deeply in to someone’s eyes, melting in to a lover’s embrace, recognizing our oneness, our similar experiences, our joint humanness. Friendships, knowing persons deeply and loving them for all they are, human and divine, imperfections and allâ€¦.and being there for them, solid as a rock, through thick and thin, walking this life together, sharing, caring, connecting, believing in them, nurturing them, allowing them to give to you, receiving, gratefully, graciouslyâ€¦.that is the stuff of life, the fabric of life, the warp and woof of it, sharing knowledge and things that inspire us, our thoughts and insights and words and actions and hopes and dreams and things that matter to us, and being open and honest, real, true blueâ€¦.sharing our fabulosity and our fears.